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Well Bachelor fam it’s the moment we’ve been waiting for all time. No, I’m not talking about Tyler C and Gigi Hadid finally hooking up, I’m talking about the Bachelor in Paradise season 6 debut! For those of you who are new to Paradise, well then, welcome to this hedonistic lair of sin that ABC calls a beach! Leave all your previous Bachelor franchise insight at the door because this show is none of that. Instead, visualize spend four hours of your week watching one strand of Chlamydia pass through an entire population at an alarming rate. It’s like a merriment human experiment except with less scientific and more tequila. Far too much tequila. So on that note, let’s dive right in shall we?
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Immediately Chris Harrison welcomes us to one of “the most beautiful and exclusive beaches” in the world, and it’s a daring account to say the least. Sure, it looks nice on the outside but, Chris, let’s not impersonate like we haven’t watched flourished males sh* t themselves on this beach before. We all is common knowledge that a hellscape this idyllic setting really is.
We get our first look at this season’s rivals and it is…alarming. We previously had a pretty good sense of who would be on the establish , but watching the intros is just unsettling. It’s a little like waking up and seeing your friend drunk announced a photo of herself with her breast half out, but instead of gently texting her to make the photo down, we have to resort to shamelessly shelling them about it on the internet. I’m sorry but I don’t meet the rules, okay !!
We start off with footage from the home intros. We’ve came Tayshia, who is leaving her turtlenecks at home( SORRY NOT SORRY DAD ), Katie, who bundled her entire closet and a serial gunman planned directory of who she thinks is hooking up with who, and Cam, whose rap should be a crime punishable by extinction. I hope they all burn in hell.
Hannah G is the first one to arrive on small island developing and she’s acting like she’s never seen a coast before in her part damn life. I desire that ABC decided footage of Hannah G whispering “I’m starstruck” to an vacated coast that’s obviously been polluted with condoms and disposed limes would establish us a better idea of her identity than actually like to hear her speak for two minutes. They weren’t wrong.
Cam, Mr. ABC himself, steps in and he’s dressed like Kris Jenner from season one of Keeping Up With The Kardashians .
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